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「重要感を持たせる」とは?|デール・カーネギー『人を動かす』 | HRドクター | 株式会社ジェイック 「重要感を持たせる」とは? デール・カーネギー『人を動かす』
私たちは誰でも、自分を重要な存在として扱って欲しいと願っています。だからこそ、自分を重要な存在として敬意を払ってくれる人に対しては、好意や信頼を感じます。コミュニケーションに関する名著『人を動かす』の著者であるデール・カーネギーは、「人を動かす唯一の方法は相手の自己重要感を満たすことである」と話しています。
記事では、ベストセラーであるデール・カーネギーの著書『人を動かす』より、人を動かす三原則のひとつとして書かれている「重要感を持たせる」を詳しく解説します。
なお、本原則は書籍では「重要感を持たせる」ですが、デール・カーネギー研修の受講者に配られるゴールデンブックでは「重要感を与える―誠意をこめて」とより実践のポイントが明確になった表記になっています。記事内では書籍の表現に合わせて解説していきますのでご了承ください。
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デール・カーネギーと、著書『人を動かす』の概要
記事では最初に、名著『人を動かす』と著者デール・カーネギーを簡単に紹介します。
デール・カーネギーの紹介
デール・カーネギーは1888年、アメリカの農家で生まれました。カーネギーは州立学芸大学を卒業後、雑誌記者、俳優、セールスパーソンなど、さまざまな仕事を経験します。
ある時、YMCAの夜間学校で弁論術の授業を受け持ったことが、カーネギーのその後の人生を大きく左右することになりました。カーネギーは講義の中で様々な実験を行い、受講生の態度の変化を注意深く観察します。
弁論術の講座で大人気を博したカーネギーは、その後独立して研究所を設立します。独立後も、自己啓発、セールス、人材育成、スピーチや対人スキルなどの講師として例を見ないほどの成功をおさめ、「自己啓発本の父」とも呼ばれるようになりました。
そして、講座で得た経験・知見を基に、人々が自信を持って日々を過ごすための話し方や立ち振る舞いを1冊の本にまとめ、1936年に『人を動かす』として出版しました。
『人を動かす』とは?
デール・カーネギーの代表的な著書である『人を動かす』は、日本国内で430万部、世界で1500万部以上の発行部数を誇り、発売から80年以上経った現在でも売れ続けている超ロングセラーです。
本作はタイトル通り、人を動かすことをメインテーマとしたビジネス書です。デール・カーネギー自身の実体験と、講座で教えてきた経験をもとに書かれた本書は、ビジネスだけでなく、プライベートのさまざまな人間関係にも適用できる、普遍的な内容となっています。
“人を動かす”と言うと、指揮命令や、懲罰・報酬などのアメと鞭で相手を操作したり、意のままにコントロールしたりするテクニックをイメージするかもしれません。しかし、本書『人を動かす』に記載されている内容は、良好な人間関係を築き、相手に気持ちよく動いてもらうための考え方を根底に据えています。
同書の教えは時代を超えて普遍的であり、現代社会に生きる私たちにとっても、役立つ内容となっています。また、『人を動かす』には、随所に具体的なエピソードが設けられています。このことが、本書が国や文化を越えて受け入れられ、ロングセラーとなっている大きな理由です。
『人を動かす』について知りたい人は、以下の記事で内容を要約しているので参考にしてください。
「人を動かす三原則」とは
書籍『人を動かす』は、「人を動かす三原則」「人に好かれる六原則」「人を説得する十二原則」「人を変える九原則」という4つのパートで構成されており、全部で30の原則が紹介されています。
本記事のテーマである「重要感を持たせる」は、最も重要な冒頭の「人を動かす三原則」の1つです。「重要感を持たせる」の詳細に入る前に、本章では「人を動かす三原則」を簡単に紹介します。
1)盗人にも五分の理を認める
カーネギーは、人を動かし、相手と人間関係をつくるうえで、相手を批判・非難することを戒めています。なぜなら、客観的にどんなに間違った言動をしている人でも、本人は正しいと思っていたり、やむを得ない理由があったりするからです。
相手にとってはそうする理由があり、相手の中では“正しい”、もしくは“やむを得ない”行為なのです。だからこそ、相手の行為や判断を正面から批判しても、相手を動かす上では無意味です。批判や批判ではなく、まず相手がそうする理由を考えくみ取ることが大切です。
2)重要感を持たせる
冒頭で紹介した通り、人はみな、「自分の存在が重要である」と他者から認めて欲しいと心の底で思っています。だからこそ、他人が自分の重要性を認めてくれることで自信をもち、自分の重要性を認めてくれた相手に対して好意を持つようになるのです。
したがって、人に自ら進んで動いてもらうためには、相手の自己重要感を満たすことが不可欠です。自己重要感は、私たちが思っている以上に重要な存在であり、相手の自己重要感を満たすのか損なうのかということは、ビジネスでもプライベートでもあらゆる人間関係に影響します。この原則について、次章で詳細を解説します。
3)人の立場に身を置く
人間はなにがしかの欲求に従って行動します。人に行動を起こしてもらうためには、強い欲求を起こさせることが不可欠です。だからこそ、「人を動かす唯一の方法は、その人の好むものを問題にし、それを手に入れる方法を教えてやることだ」と、カーネギーは話しています。
相手が好むもの、望むことは、相手によって一人ひとり違います。「自分が思う価値」ではなく、「相手にとっての価値」を念頭に置いて考える必要があります。相手の立場に立って、「どうすれば行動したくなるだろうか?」と考えて、コミュニケーションに臨むことが大切です。
「人を動かす3原則」については以下の記事で詳しく解説しています。
「重要感を持たせる」の詳細と実践
前章では「人を動かす三原則」について、大まかにお伝えしました。本章ではメインテーマである「重要感を持たせる」の詳細を解説します。
ポイント① 人は皆「自分が重要な存在である」と認めてもらうことを望んでいる
私たち人間は皆、誰かにとって自分が重要な存在である実感したときに、幸せや自尊心を感じる、社会的動物です。必要とされている、尊重されているという気持ちは、私たちに精神的な安心感をもたらします。
誰かから必要とされている、コミュニティで尊重されているという実感を持つことで、私たちは人間らしく生き生きと人生を過ごすことができるようになるのです。カーネギーは本書の中で、「重要感を持たせる」ということが、人を動かす上で不可欠なアプローチであるとしています。
誰しもが抱いている「自分が重要な存在でありたい」という欲求を満たしてあげること。これが、相手を動かす上での第一歩となります。
ポイント② 「率直で、誠実な評価」を与える
相手に重要感を持たせるためには、相手を尊重し、惜しみない賞賛を与えることが重要です。心から相手を信頼し、相手の人格にまっすぐ向き合い、心からの感謝を示すということです。
相手に称賛を送る時は、「率直で、誠実な評価」でなくてはいけません。もし、相手に良く思われたい・気に入られたいとからと、表面的な「お世辞」や「おべんちゃら」を口にしたらどうなるでしょうか。お世辞やおべんちゃらは、簡単に見透かされてしまい逆効果になってしまうでしょう。
相手に重要感を持たせるには、なにも大袈裟に、大きなことを伝える必要はありません。例えば、ランチで訪れたお店の料理が美味しかったり、接客で良いなと思った点があったりすれば、ホールスタッフに率直にそのことを伝えるよう。それだけのことです。こういった心がけを、普段から習慣にすることが大切です。
ポイント③ 日頃から他人の長所を見つける習慣を持つ
カーネギーは、「率直で、誠実な評価」をするためには、日頃から他人の長所を見つける習慣をつけることが大切だと述べています。
たとえば、皆さんの職場のメンバーを思い出してみましょう。そして、それぞれの長所を、1人3つずつ思い浮かべて下さい。それらの長所が、仕事の場面や雑談の中で、どんな具体的な行動として表れているでしょうか。あるいは、その行動によって、あなたや職場全体にどんな良い影響がもたらされているでしょうか。
もし、すぐにパッと思い浮かばない場合は、この記事を読んだ直後から、「何が長所、強みだろうか?」「どんな風に発揮されているだろうか?」「それによってどんな貢献があるだろうか?」という目線を持って、普段からメンバーを観察してみて下さい。
「率直で、誠実な評価」をするためには、普段から相手に関心を示し、些細なことや、ちょっとした言動をしっかり観察しておくことが重要です。これを習慣づけることで、率直に誠実に評価することが容易にできるようになります。
普段から相手に関心を持ち、気を配るためには、自分自身の心身に余裕があることも大切です。人を動かしたい、そのために相手に“重要感を持たせる”ためには、自分自身をしっかりとセルフマネジメントして、心身に余裕がある状態を普段から保つことを心がけましょう。
まとめ
記事では、デール・カーネギーの著書『人を動かす』より、人を動かす三原則のひとつである「重要感を持たせる」をテーマにお伝えしました。
”人を動かす秘訣は、この世に、ただ一つしかない。この事実に気づいている人は、はなはだ少ないように思われる。しかし、人を動かす秘訣は、間違いなく、一つしかないのである。すなわち、自ら動きたくなる気持ちを起こさせること──これが、秘訣だ。”
(デール・カーネギー『人を動かす』より引用)
わたし達が持っている一番強い欲求は、自分が価値ある存在だという実感、「自己重要感」です。そして、相手の自己重要感を満たすことが、相手に気持ちよく動いてもらうための第一歩になります。自分自身の自己重要感を満たしてくれる人に対して、相手は報いたい、何かでお返ししたいと思うものです。
相手の自己重要感を満たすためには、上辺だけのお世辞ではない、「率直で、誠実な評価」を与えることが大切です。普段から、相手に関心を持ち、長所や良いところを見つける習慣をつけましょう。
なお、HRドクターを運営する研修会社ジェイックでは、米国デールカーネギー・アソシエイツ社と提携して、日本でデール・カーネギー研修を提供しています。
「管理職のマネジメント力を高めたい」「営業職の営業力をあげたい」とお考えの人は、以下のデールカーネギー研修、セミナーの情報を参照してください。
著者情報
株式会社ジェイック|取締役 兼 常務執行役員
近藤 浩充
大学卒業後、情報システム系の会社を経て入社。
IT戦略事業、全社経営戦略、教育事業、採用・就職支援事業の責任者を経て現職。企業の採用・育成課題を知る立場から、当社の企業向け教育研修を監修するほか、一般企業、金融機関、経営者クラブなどで、若手から管理職層までの社員育成の手法やキャリア形成等についての講演を行っている。
昨今では管理職のリーダーシップやコミュニケーションスキルをテーマに、雑誌『プレジデント』(2023年)、J-CASTニュース(2024年)、ほか人事メディアからの取材も多数実績あり。
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